ADHD can be found in approximately one in twenty kids. That is over one child per class and it is probably an underestimate. These kids are hyper, distracted, impulsive, poorly organized, and irritating. They are often intelligent, but have difficulty learning due to their distracted state of mind. Their hyperactivity can be so intense that their parents feel like pulling out their hair because they can’t keep up. This is a true medical condition that can be treated.
When the diagnosis is missed, the chance of children with ADHD becoming involved with drugs and alcohol (as teenagers) is heightened due to their impulsivity and the degree to which they feel rejected by everyone around them.
Divorce can make ADHD worse. This is not a biochemical process, it is a social process. In the midst of a divorce, parents are more distracted and kids are more emotional. If Johnny lives in two homes and has to bring all of his books back and forth, they just not make it and he’ll be penalized when he gets to school.
ADHD kids often have parents with the same disorder. Without help, the actions of the distracted child can be magnified by their distracted parents.
So what can you do? A lot.
First you need to understand that ADHD is highly treatable. Medications can help a great deal – they can aid the frontal lobe in its organization. Psycho stimulants are the most common type of medication for a child with ADHD, but there are others to choose from as well.
In school, kids should sit in the front of the class. Being in the back reduces the presence of the teacher and the likelihood of impulsive activity by the child becomes greater. If they’re in the front, they are less likely to be distracted by those around them and more attentive to teacher in front of them.
When you’re an ADHD parent – if you had this as a kid, it may be worse for you. Get some help yourself. You’ll be surprised how good modern medicine can be in aiding your attentiveness, and more specifically, your parenting abilities.
In a nutshell, pay attention to paying attention.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, June 7, 2010
Divorce - Going to the Movies
Movies can be a wonderful way to connect to your kids as your family go through a divorce. The reason for this is because of a psychological relief called displacement. Let me explain.
When you directly ask your kids how they feel about the divorce, it’s sometimes difficult for them to explain. It’s too weird for them and the question is emotionally charged. If you ask, they may not answer, cry, go straight to their room, or say, “leave me alone.” Any of these responses means that they’re flooded with feeling and they can’t handle it.
A direct question is simply too much. Fortunately, there is a technique to handle this -it’s called displacement. With this, you can talk about a movie, book, or someone else’s life – use similar situations that aren’t your own as a proxy to talk about what they’re going through.
Good Divorce Movies:
In the 1998 classic Mrs. Doubtfire, Sally Fields files for divorce and gains custody of her three children. Faced with little choice, Robin Williams, the father, pretends to their nanny in order to spend time with his children. It is a hysterical and moving portrait of an American family dealing with divorce.
Liar Liar is a 1997 classic starring Jim Carrey who portrays a dishonest, newly divorced father who is terribly involved with his work (sounds familiar?) His child’s birthday wish is that he never lies anymore. This wish comes true, and sets off a series of events that leads to a warm reunion homecoming of sorts.
Imagine That, starring Eddie Murphy, is a 2009 heart warmer in which he plays a divorced father who reconnects to his daughter after a separation with his wife. Apparently his daughter has special powers which allow him to do his job better. However, Murphy was too involved with work, creating a major strain in his relationship with his family. Murphy’s transition from a workaholic into a loving father sends an important message – both endearing and wonderful for young children.
These movies allow you to sit down and enjoy some quality time with your child. After the movie, you can talk and allow them to express their reactions to it. The very fact that you sat together and enjoyed the movie shows that they have internalized what is happening in your household.
It’s important for them to know that they’re not the only ones and they’ll get through it.
When you directly ask your kids how they feel about the divorce, it’s sometimes difficult for them to explain. It’s too weird for them and the question is emotionally charged. If you ask, they may not answer, cry, go straight to their room, or say, “leave me alone.” Any of these responses means that they’re flooded with feeling and they can’t handle it.
A direct question is simply too much. Fortunately, there is a technique to handle this -it’s called displacement. With this, you can talk about a movie, book, or someone else’s life – use similar situations that aren’t your own as a proxy to talk about what they’re going through.
Good Divorce Movies:
In the 1998 classic Mrs. Doubtfire, Sally Fields files for divorce and gains custody of her three children. Faced with little choice, Robin Williams, the father, pretends to their nanny in order to spend time with his children. It is a hysterical and moving portrait of an American family dealing with divorce.
Liar Liar is a 1997 classic starring Jim Carrey who portrays a dishonest, newly divorced father who is terribly involved with his work (sounds familiar?) His child’s birthday wish is that he never lies anymore. This wish comes true, and sets off a series of events that leads to a warm reunion homecoming of sorts.
Imagine That, starring Eddie Murphy, is a 2009 heart warmer in which he plays a divorced father who reconnects to his daughter after a separation with his wife. Apparently his daughter has special powers which allow him to do his job better. However, Murphy was too involved with work, creating a major strain in his relationship with his family. Murphy’s transition from a workaholic into a loving father sends an important message – both endearing and wonderful for young children.
These movies allow you to sit down and enjoy some quality time with your child. After the movie, you can talk and allow them to express their reactions to it. The very fact that you sat together and enjoyed the movie shows that they have internalized what is happening in your household.
It’s important for them to know that they’re not the only ones and they’ll get through it.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Transitions, Transitions
Kids aren’t masters of communication; they learn new ways to associate with others in each stage of growth. What this means is that you can’t expect them to come to you with their problems. Younger kids may not understand what they’re feeling or have the right words to express their emotions. Older kids may not yet see the importance of talking things out and getting advice. So, what’s a parent to do? How can you know how your kids are faring if they won’t tell you?
Pay close attention to transitions. And no, we don’t only mean how your son or daughter is handling the divorce overall. We want you to attend to small details. Since the news of your separation, have you been finding it harder to get her up for school in the morning? Does he refuse to put away the video games and focus on his homework? Or, is your older child acting unlike himself and fathering his younger brother?
Transitions, even the small ones, can be difficult for everyone. But growing up is about learning to adapt, and if your child is acting out of the ordinary, it might be an outward manifestation of emotional upset. Your daughter needn’t tell you she is worried, you can probably see it in her eyes when she has trouble leaving for mommy’s house on Sunday night.
There is no need to scrutinize your child’s every move, but do be mindful of behavioral changes—you may get the very answers you’re looking for. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. He or she can be a great resource.
To learn more, visit http://www.theintelligentdivorce.com/ .
Pay close attention to transitions. And no, we don’t only mean how your son or daughter is handling the divorce overall. We want you to attend to small details. Since the news of your separation, have you been finding it harder to get her up for school in the morning? Does he refuse to put away the video games and focus on his homework? Or, is your older child acting unlike himself and fathering his younger brother?
Transitions, even the small ones, can be difficult for everyone. But growing up is about learning to adapt, and if your child is acting out of the ordinary, it might be an outward manifestation of emotional upset. Your daughter needn’t tell you she is worried, you can probably see it in her eyes when she has trouble leaving for mommy’s house on Sunday night.
There is no need to scrutinize your child’s every move, but do be mindful of behavioral changes—you may get the very answers you’re looking for. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. He or she can be a great resource.
To learn more, visit http://www.theintelligentdivorce.com/ .
Monday, January 11, 2010
Can Divorce Affect My Kids?
This question undoubtedly wracks the minds and hearts of those contemplating, or going through, divorce. You want to know how the people you care most about —your children—will fare with a disrupted family. You wonder how they will cope when everything they know and trust changes.
The answer is yes, divorce will affect your children. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and how they respond will depend on how you and your soon-to-be ex handle the situation. If you keep the fighting away from your kids, and if each of you provides them with a loving, stable environment in which to grow, they should do just fine.
Don’t focus on the statistics. They will tell you that children of intact families fare better than those of divorced families; we see this comparison as unfair. Intact families are not always happy or nurturing and divorced families are not always cold or torn. Stability is key, and you may be better able to provide this for your kids if you and your partner lead separate lives. There is nothing like having happy, loving adults to look up to as you grow.
So, instead of focusing on whether divorce can affect your kids, consider how the change can be positive for them. This will include understanding your children' needs at this time and learning how to deal with your ex effectively.
To learn more, visit www.theintelligentdivorce.com .
The answer is yes, divorce will affect your children. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and how they respond will depend on how you and your soon-to-be ex handle the situation. If you keep the fighting away from your kids, and if each of you provides them with a loving, stable environment in which to grow, they should do just fine.
Don’t focus on the statistics. They will tell you that children of intact families fare better than those of divorced families; we see this comparison as unfair. Intact families are not always happy or nurturing and divorced families are not always cold or torn. Stability is key, and you may be better able to provide this for your kids if you and your partner lead separate lives. There is nothing like having happy, loving adults to look up to as you grow.
So, instead of focusing on whether divorce can affect your kids, consider how the change can be positive for them. This will include understanding your children' needs at this time and learning how to deal with your ex effectively.
To learn more, visit www.theintelligentdivorce.com .
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